Don't call me Your Mother

I was a mother once now I'm lifelong child abuser dream killer Freedom Steeler psychopath narcissist horrific example not safe to be around children and I will forever be punished No Way Out No Redemption only Revenge to come my way. All of this because I was unable to have the abilities to make someone else happy at all times at all moments every little thing they wanted that would satisfy them and keep them fulfilled and happy and no misery or no one happiness I was incapable of saving them from a human state the human state of reality that was inside their souls and their minds and their hearts a human state that is so simple that others cannot bring us true fulfillment and joy with inside ourselves but we are bound by our humanness and unable to see or know or feel our own power the only power to bring ourselves true happiness and fulfillment. I was a mother once but never again it is daunting it is unforgiving it is unappreciated from here on out it is something unwanted by me to be.

PLEASE!

 I wonder if this will help me feel better this time..... I have not really done this in so many years, If I had keep doing this I would not be here now. It all starts with these notes of ending it all and it holds the dying at bay and then it doesn't any more and the dying happens. I want to go back... Back to that day so long ago 50 years ago and redo that day, I want to make sure it gets done right and is over then.

I look at that small little boys photo and wonder how it would be if I could have died that day like he died on his day to go back home......WHY!!!!!! just so I can HURT like this the pain keeps going NEVER ending. The moments in the day when I don't hurt are just times when I stop breathing and wait to die in the moment. Sadness and Pain is Being in Love with people that don't Love you. Nope this is not going to help this time. I know this road well and I am just one step closer to the end. I wonder how long I will drag this on. I still don't want it to be over But I Need it to be over.

I told God I would not do this and I do not want to disappoint him because that is all I ever do is disappoint him and everyone. WHY????? I should NOT be here. 

I Know one thing for sure. I can't go On! God Please understand PLEASE 

When I Am Gone

 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9YxnW6lvFU

I am Sad

 I am so very sad all the time. 

I am so very lonely all of the time. 

But that does not mean that I am not Loved so very much all of the time. 

It does not mean that I am not loving so very much all of the time.      

I can be more than one thing all of the time.  

I can be so very much of so many things all of the time.     

My sadness will not rob me of the Joy that I can have even when I am so very sad. 

My sadness can not rob me of the love I can feel when I am so very sad. 

My Sadness can not rob me of my loved ones when I am so very sad. 

My sadness can not rob me of all my other feelings when I am so very sad. 

I may not be free from my sadness but I can be free from what it can take away from me.

TLC

What it feels like

                                   

                                    what it feels like for me to be married to a addict

                I AM ALWAYS IN HIS WAY TO GETTING WHAT HE REALLY WANTS 

Overcomes All

I Just want to be Ok

I don't want to be broken any more,
I want to cry for joy,
I want my tears to cool my face.
Love Does Not Conquer All,        Self Love Overcomes All.

Little Miss plain Jane

When I Am Gone


I Was Never Really Here At All


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcpjSMmWUDw&start_radio=1&list=RDxcpjSMmWUDw